Like a thief in the night....
My mother used to tell me that love will come like a thief in the night. It will steal your heart in the most unexpected time.
I was happy being single - going out every friday with the now defunct SATC group, sleeping anytime i wanted to, couch potatoeing in the laziest hours, devoting myself to prayer and bible study, and of course....dating...
He was not even in my list. He is one that i would consider too nice to be a man. He cannot be a "safe risk". If i become to close, it will become too dangerous.
I have bought my new sofa bed, my own tv, my own car, and planned to buy a new home theater system for my room. The bliss of being single! My own time. My own space. My own leisure. My own work. My own emotions..
I was content to be alone...forever...yep. not even lonely.
He persisted though.. Yep. I have turned him down in the most frank of all turn downs. I dont turn down guys, do I? I was too nice to do that. And neither was I bitchy. I owed him honesty but for what duh reason?! Why should he deserve my almost mature attitude?
He understood me in ways only a friend can understand. Yet, he did not want to be "just friends". He knew my moods. Told me he loved me in every occasion he'd see me.
Yuck mushy. He did not tell me to shut up when i was noisy. He marveled at my "lone" dancing, head banging, hip swaying, "shouted singing", and baroqueish accents in any chinese, filipino, and indian invented language.
Grr... He did not quit.
Anyway, this will be too long if i go into my usual blow by blow storytelling again....and so....
He came when I did not need any man complicating my life. I was deadset in walking the path of the singlehood madness. He came during the time I was happy and content in being myself. So maybe he came not unexpectedly..Maybe i was being prepared for his coming. And I thought i'd be a nun next year! He came quietly. No sparks. No cloud nines. No yiheeess... But i felt comfortable being with him even if there is fear not knowing the unknown. Grr...Yeah. I guess this site was meant to have this certain feeling as an inspiration....
Tranquil Madness...It's like who I am with my first boyfriend*, Paul. Like a thief in the night, he captured me...It started slow but i came crashing fast...Yep. Free fall if you'd like to be more scientific. It was madness..yet very comforting.and then i remember sonnet 17 by pablo neruda.
"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep" ..
so yeah...i guess so...this is deeper than deep. another oxymoron in my life... a pleasant surprise.. and i do get mushy more often now...
*yep. first boyfriend. legally..not a safe risk anymore*