Tranquil Madness

It's like that man who sleeps under the Katipunan flyover;that dog sitting on the sidewalks of Mandaluyong; that woman who prayed while Titanic was sinking. It's love. It's life. The soul of that lady who observed while living her noisy world.

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Location: Bordering on Q.C., Philippines

Friday, April 04, 2008

Sometimes when we think we are smarter

I have learned that humility is the only way to success. It is a painful process of accepting defeat, absorbing guilt, and feeling inferior. It is that painful process one goes through even if his bright mind knows better. It is keeping quiet even if your mind screams. It is an excruciatingly difficult thing to do especially if you are the type of person who has a lot to say. Sometimes it leads to hating people and to dreaming of revenge. But somehow, some core inside you makes you stop. You are encouraged to fight but I've realized that I cannot fight for myself. I fight for other people. I fight for my faith...But i don't fight for "me", my things, my heart, my intelligence.
Wow. Intelligence. Makes me cringe for writing the phrase "my intelligence". I never acknowledged that. My closest friends and relatives know that I am one who says that My God owns my brain. I have witnessed it so many times.
Success... Most of the time we associate it with the money we earn, the degree we have taken up, the position we are holding, etc. If that is the definition of success, I guess I have reached that point. But i took with me valuable lessons. Even to this day, i pray for humility because sometimes I get that tendency to know better and i know for a fact i am. But just knowing that fact makes me uncomfortable because that fact does not belong to me. It belongs to Him.
But success makes people believe that they are superior, that they are smarter. It is very scary.
There was this one day when a thought came to me. Some people have higher positions, they earn more yet when I ponder more on their status vs mine, I would realize that this situation is unfair. I know better, I work harder, I deserve better. It just made me think "eh sana ako na lang binabayaran ng ganyan eh parang masmagaling pa ako sa kanya". Pause. Goosebumps. Ang kapal ng mukha ko.
Success has its downfalls too. Humility that brought you up is lost. and those times when we think we are smarter, it just makes us more stupid. Stupid to think that we know more when success was achieved when we knew less.